Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
