it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
