No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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