Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
