You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
