i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
