In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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