You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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