my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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