His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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