Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
