there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize