Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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