brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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