these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
