Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
