so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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