I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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