if you like me you must not know who I am
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
