Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
