O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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