U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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