You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
