you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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