I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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