so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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