By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
