Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
