so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
