i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
