I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
