I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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