I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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