I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
