She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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