She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
