the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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