i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
