We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize