Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
