can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize