3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You left your phone here
Wait...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
