He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
