I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
