How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
