the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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