I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
