i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
