I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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