On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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