Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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