She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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