I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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