he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
