Your dad touched me again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
