Plan B is the new Plan A
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
