Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
