also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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