oh god the rape fog is back!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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