what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
