He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
