had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
