i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sarcasm needs its own font
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
