my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
